More English

Now we all accept that English is really difficult, we have to adopt a new
version. Here it comes:

New EC regulations

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other
possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded
that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a
5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish":

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".. Sertainly, this will make
the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of
the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have less letters.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with the "f". This will make words like
"fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expected to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the
silent "e" in the language is disgraceful, and it should go away.

By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with
"z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
from vords kontaiining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor
trubls nor difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!